LCS Hockey Staff
Name: Michael Dell
Date o' Birth: February 17, 1975
Location: Greensburg, Pennsylvania
LCS Credit: Special Guest Star, former Editor-In-Chief and founding member of LCS: Guide to Hockey
Other Information: My earliest childhood memories involve traveling around the
United States in a multi-colored bus with my musical family. We
used to play shows all over the place... clubs, concert halls,
amusement parks, you name it. I used to be a bad man on the bass
The editor as a boy, even then |
dreaming of world domination.
As I grew older, I began to lose interest in the family's
musical career. So I convinced our manager, Reuben, to let me
out of the act.
With my family still on the road, I was able to get a job as
first-mate on a small tour boat. Unfortunately, though, I had
some bad luck on my first trip when a storm came out of nowhere
and blew our ship off course. Once the weather calmed, we
discovered that we were stranded on a deserted island. Let's
see... there was me, the Skipper (some big fat guy that kept
calling me his "little buddy"...real creepy), a millionaire and his
wife (yeah, "millionaire"... he wouldn't even tip me for carrying
around his bamboo golf clubs, the cheap bastard), a movie star (she
never gave me the time of day... probably gay), a professor (real
smart guy this one, he could build a radio out of coconuts, but
he couldn't fix the hole in our damn boat), and Mary Anne (she
must have been gay too). The seven of us went
through a lot back then.
Luckily, we were rescued after only a few months... by either the
Coast Guard or the Harlem Globetrotters, I can't remember which.
Anyway, after that experience I decided I had enough sailing to
last me a lifetime. So I returned to my family in Brooklyn,
New York, and finished out my last year of high school at
good ol' James Buchanan High.
One of my teachers back at school took me under his wing and
really had an effect on my life. Yes, I'll never forget all the
lessons that Gabe Kotter and his wife Julie taught me about life
After graduation, I had trouble finding a job right away, so I
started to drive a taxi for the Sunshine Cab Company. However, I
quickly realized that the life of a cab driver wasn't all it was
cracked up to be. I needed to do something better with my life.
I wanted to make a difference in the lives of other people. I also
wanted to help my community. So, I decided to enter the police
Once out of the academy, I teamed up with another rookie cop and
we began to work as a dynamic undercover duo. We used to drive
around the city in my '75 Ford Tarino busting heads. With the
help of Huggy Bear, our pimp informer, Hutch and I did our best
to rid the streets of crime.
While the work was fulfilling (it's hard to beat car chases
and shooting people), my life as a police officer
didn't last long. After Hutch and I
inadvertently contributed to the death of an innocent man, we
decided to give up the police business. We went down to the
beach and threw our badges in the ocean and then went our
separate ways. However, what appeared to be one of the darkest
days of my life quickly turned into one of the best.
As I was walking aimlessly along the beach that day, I tripped
over what looked to be an ancient Egyptian bottle. After
inspecting it closely, I carefully removed the cork. To my
surprise, I was greeted by a puff of pink smoke that turned into a
beautiful blonde genie. She was so grateful for me releasing her
from her prison that she fell madly in love with me and we were
Sure, being married to a genie isn't always easy. You should
see some of the trouble she gets me and my buddy Roger Healy into!
If Dr. Bellows down at NASA ever found out I was married to a genie,
he'd probably try and kick me right out of the space program!
Despite all the wacky misadventures we've gone through, Jeanie and I
are still very much in love to this day. In fact, we
just recently adopted our first two children... two young boys from
Harlem named Arnold and Willis. Ah, they're great kids. What a
lucky life I've lived!