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  Looking for Mr. Drummond Update
by Michael Dell, editor-in-chief

Hey, did you notice that life just wasn't that great the past three weeks or so? Maybe you took note that the sky wasn't quite as blue, the flowers didn't smell as sweet, or the malt liquor didn't taste as smooth? Well, don't be startled, you weren't goin' loopy. It was just the absence of LCS: Guide to Hockey from your life.

Yes, for about three and a half weeks there, the LCS web site was down due to a server crash. Those dark and dreary days were just an example of what life would be like if LCS were to cease operations. Scary, isn't it?

LCS is still looking for our Mr. Drummond... some rich millionaire to adopt us. We need money. Without it, LCS could very well close up shop at some point in the near future. Then every day would be just like the time during the recent site crash, which is already being referred to in some circles as "The Dark Ages".

Gary Coleman
Gary Coleman,
our spiritual guide

Now I'd like to take this time to talk directly to you millionaires out there... ahem... OH PLEASE ADOPT US! DON'T LET LCS DIE! OH GOD NO!

It really doesn't take that much to support us. I mean, we're already undersized due to malnutrition. Just a bucket of water and a few scraps of bread is enough to feed us for the week. In general, we're extremely tidy folk. We don't make many messes, except when we're drunk. And you can hardly blame us then, right? I mean, c'mon, alcohol is a harsh mistress. We rarely play with matches, except for the occasional puppet show, and seldom run with scissors. We'd be more than happy to help around the house. Zippy, Jim, and Matt are aces at most household chores. Zip even does windows. Meanwhile, I'm excellent at television maintenance. I'll always make sure to keep the television in tip top working order through a strict regiment of watching nearly 20 hours of programming a day.

Even if you're not a millionaire, you can still do your part. All donations are welcome... money, food, clothes... we don't care. Free t-shirts are always welcome. Our address once again is:

LCS: Guide to Hockey
632 Hempfield Street
Greensburg, PA 15601

Will you be our
Mr. Drummond? Please?

So whether you're a millionaire willing to be our Mr. Drummond, or if you just want to help clothe us for the winter, don't be scared to write. Because the way things stand now, time is running out, the chair is plugged in, and the governor isn't exactly ringing the phone off the hook.

We now ask that you, our valued readers, please join us in the following inspirational prayer.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you, may not be right for some. A man is born, he's a man of means. Then along come two, they've got nothin' but their jeans. But they've got, Diff'rent Strokes. It takes, Diff'rent Strokes. It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story. Everybody finds a way to shine. It don't matter that you got... not a lot, so what? They'll have theirs, you'll have yours, and I'll have mine. And together we'll be fine. Because it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world, yes it does. It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world!


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