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It's time once again to share some mail from you, our valued readers. As always, some letters may have been edited to make the writer seem smarter... or in some cases, to make them look stupid. Hey, it's a crap shoot...

IS PAUL KARIYA A DORK?
I liked your article about Kariya, though I've never encountered him personally... the closest comparison I've encountered was Janney.

In your "hero" category, please consider adding Bernie Nicholls. He is THE most fan-friendly player I've ever seen among the major names. At *every* pre-game warmup, he spends about half the time tossing practice pucks to kids, specifically selecting the youngest and least aggressive ones. He's quite an accurate "shot", too -- I've seen him toss a puck to a fan in the UPPER DECK without the fan having to move more than a stride to catch it.

Tony Granato, Chris Tancill (Dallas), and Jeff Odgers (Colorado) are similarly positive guys. Hrudey and Irbe are the friendliest goaltenders I've seen.

Alan Denney

LCS: When listing LCS Hockey heroes, "Broadway" Bernie is near the top. He's a bad man. Sure, he only had like five goals this season, but that's no big thing. Going out and dominating night after night gets a little boring. Bernie was just trying to make it fun.

Cool article.

First, there's already an anti-Kariya mob out there, his post-game ritual is to see how fast he can speed by fans in his new Lexus, it's a good thing kids are faster than your average bear, they can dive for cover. Adults like me? I'm taking my life into my hands.

He has never, not once, ever, never, none, been reported as stopping after a game to sign squat and those who have experienced the lad's anger hate him with every fiber of their being.

I live in the LA area and go to practices, games, and what have you, the rumor mill this season has him pissed at Disney's "cheap" behavior, has him getting married to a teenager, and had him so pissed, he was going to retire from the NHL rather than play for Disney... did these, uh, side issues cause his rotten behavior? I dunno.

I've met him twice, both times he was polite, talkative and signed my jerseys ultra clear (one Duck, one U of Maine authentic I bought at the U of Main team store via air mail), he even commented on the Maine jersey thinking it was cool... but by far, the evil Paul stories outnumber the saintly Paul ones 5 to 1.

(Name withheld to protect the innocent)

I think Kariya is a fantastic player and have been a fan since he played for Maine in his college days. I got his game-used jersey from the WJC in the year before he became a Duck and even got my California license plate KARIYA. I was eager to have him sign the jersey and went to Disneyland on his rookie year for an autograph session. We ran from the gate to Kariya's table and were there before anyone.

While gasping for air I explained that it was his game used jersey from the Junior Championships but got no reaction. I had my license plate with his name on it but didn't get a reaction or even a smile. He didn't say a word as he signed both items and barely acknowledged our existence even though I was obviously a huge fan and had some unique items for him to sign.

I have met a few hockey players, including the King of Class Wayne Gretzky and I have to admit, Kariya is the rudest and most arrogant I have ever met. How much would take to at least be civil instead of like a zombie? I think I should be happy he didn't cuss like he did to the people in your article. Living in California, I have compared stories with other fans and every one has another story of him refusing to sign or just being outright rude.

So much for role models giving back to the fans who pay their huge salaries...

Mike Zampelli

LCS: It seems the debate on whether Paul Kariya is a dork will continue. If you have your own stories about the Mighty Duckling, whether positive or negative, feel free to send 'em to us.

MAD TRIVIA
Just a few things...

1. What two countries are joined by the Harwich-Ostende ferry?

2. Who crowned Napoleon Emperor of France?

3. What's the international radio code word for the letter T?

4. What city does Sam Spade work in?

5. What's the most common non-contagious disease in the world?

6. What was Canada's first national park?

7. What song propelled Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass to fame?

8. What does a cooper make?

9. Who portrayed private detective Philip Marlowe in the 1946 film "The Big Sleep"?

10. What was the last country to join the European Economic Community?

Thanks,
Jerry Helper

LCS: 1. England and Belgium. 2. Napoleon himself. 3. Tango. 4. San Francisco. 5. Tooth decay. 6. Banff National Park. 7. The Lonely Bull. 8. Barrels. 9. Humphrey Bogart. 10. Greece.

STUPID?
Why are you guys so stupid?

Gregg Schneider

LCS: Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I believe I'm stupid due to a combination of cheap wine and narcotics. Rest assured, all the drugs I take are prescribed by a doctor. Although finding the right doctor can be difficult...

NORWAY - SWITZERLAND RIVALRY
Hi Michael,

I recently read your "more stuff..." in LCS 91 and decided to show you that there are Swiss reading LCS. And the best thing is that we love it. Actually I don't know other swiss people who do. But I do. And I'm an original Swiss from Zurich (ever heard of it?). And I'm laying all my hopes on Michel Riesen that he can make it in the NHL. He will prove you that we are much better in hockey than Norway. You'll see. We'll become Number 8 in the world and even leave the struggling Germans behind us.

Last but not least I have to tell you the truth about Switzerland. We were not and we are not and we will never be a part of Scandinavia though I read it in a past issue. There is no relationship between us and Norway. Just believe it!

But you're doing a great job. Carry on.

Bye

Thomas Rieser

LCS: Thomas, sorry about the mixup in referring to Switzerland as a Scandinavian country. As we all know, the Scandinavian countries are Finland, Norway, Sweden, and Ecuador. Sorry for the error.

Speaking of errors, I believe that in the college hockey column of the text version for issue 91 it may have been reported that Hobey Baker winner Chris Drury was property of the Canucks. Well, he's actually property of the Avalanche.

And one final correction, I think I may have referred to NHL VP Brian Burke as a "stooge" in the last issue. What I meant to say was that he was a "really big stooge." Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.

But getting back to the Switzerland thing, observant readers would know that myself and the other founding fathers of LCS Hockey have been waging some serious wars on the ol' Sega Saturn hockey. Myself, Matthew Secosky, and Jim Iovino anchor a squad from Norway, while Zippy and other LCS Hockey personalities call Switzerland home.

It pains me greatly to say that Switzerland finally won its first seven-game series this past week, ending a string of Norwegian dominance that had claimed the rivalry's first six series.

The Swiss victory came in just five games. Norway took Game One 4-1 and held a 3-0 lead entering the third period of Game Two before the wheels came off. Switzerland scored three times in the third period, including two short-handed tallies, and then won the game in overtime. The Army knife makers claimed Game Three 2-1, scoring with just over a minute left in regulation after Norway goaltender Steve Wilson gave the puck away in front of his own net. Switzerland then closed out the series with a pair of 2-1 double-overtime victories that would have to be classified as, well, lucky.

"We were just trying to make it fun," said Norway speedster Matt Secosky following the loss. "It really isn't a rivalry when one team wins all the time. Plus, with it being tax time and all, I figured we could write off the loss as a charitable contribution."

Zippy was unavailable for comment, so I made up the following quote.

"We still suck," admitted a subdued Wonder Chimp. "I'm not gonna kid myself for a minute. I realize that Norway is the better team. They just felt sorry for us. Hell, I feel sorry for us. We suck. Norway is great. Did I mention we suck?"

The Norway-Switzerland rivalry is scheduled to resume later this week. There's been talk that ESPN2 will carry the games. Stay tuned for details.

And we're still waiting to hear from some real Norwegians. So if you're from Norway, please write and let us know. It's all about world domination.

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