Hockey Player Ratings Introduction

Player Ratings Introduction
By Michael Dell, editor-in-chief

Yes, the summer is over and we're back with another season of NHL coverage. We kick things off with our fourth annual Player Rating Extravaganza. It's not really an extravaganza, but that sure sounds better than sayin' we're back for the fourth year in a row with the same old crap. So let the Extravaganza begin!
As per usual, we rank the top ten players at each position, except on defense where we rank the top twelve. Why twelve on defense? Because we love to give until it hurts, that's why.
After we list the top ten, or twelve, we also include a few players that fall in each of the following categories:
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Poor souls that just missed the charts.
MOVIN' ON UP: These guys are movin' on up to the East side faster than the Jeffersons. Keep an eye on 'em.
NOW I GOT WORRY: Players listed here are falling faster than Benny Hill's pants.
WHICH WAY DO I GO, GEORGE?: A crossroads has been presented. To the left, a return to stardom. To the right, a direct route to Loserville.
Our rankings aren't just based on who had a great season last year. We try to look at the whole picture. Everything is taken into consideration, including past history, future potential, overall skill, intelligence, leadership, big-game ability, and penmanship. Most of the write-ups will explain why a guy got ranked where he did. While most decisions were clear cut, there were a few situations where we just couldn't make up our minds. In those cases, the deciding vote went to whichever guy looked more like an original cast member of Happy Days.
Hopefully we haven't forgotten anyone in compiling our lists. We didn't include Gary Roberts because it's still uncertain exactly how well he'll play, if at all. But if he's anywhere near his old self, Roberts would preside in the top spot on left wing and everyone else would move down a spot. Gary Roberts is just that good.
There are a whole mess of quality young players out there that could be listed in the Movin' On Up section, but we tried to limit ourselves to the best one or two guys. So don't be offended if your favorite player is missing in that category.
If you think we forgot someone all together, or you disagree with our rankings, don't be scared to write a letter. Just be sure to mail it to someone who cares. Aw, that's just a joke, settle down. We love to hear from you, our valued readers. Just try to keep profanity to a minimum. We have sensitive eyes. And it's hard enough to read the letters through the bottom of a bottle without having to sound out vulgar insults.
Well, that's about it. Enjoy. And oh yeah, we'll be back on September 15 with a Season Preview. Look for it.