Sacrilege and Blasphemy

Sacrilege and Blasphemy
By Dan Hurwitz, Force for Cultural Hegemony

Maybe even more than any other sport, hockey is a sport of tradition. Why did fans cringe when Patrick, Adams, Norris, and Smythe became Altantic, Northeast, Central, and Pacific? Because it violated the deeply-held set of beliefs hockey faithful cling to in the hopes that one day, they will be able to "save" the unenlightened masses of fans of those other sports. Why did the notion that Wayne Gretzky could be traded shock and frighten Canadian children? For very much the same reason.
Still, as a(n alleged) journalist, it's my duty and responsibility to rock the boat just a tad. So here's my attempt to do just that. How about a list of suggestions that players, teams and the sport in general should consider, even though each would be considered offensive to any number of die-hards?
* The Rangers should unload Mark Messier. Let's face it, no matter how old he is (and the number is 36 and counting), Mess is one of those transcendent athletes who defies comparison to his former self. As he ages, he becomes even more valuable to the team he leads. However, if his teachings have not yet rubbed off on Brian Leetch, Adam Graves and Mike Richter, clearly New York's next generation of leadership figures, then they simply never will.
On top of that, the Rangers have Gretzky, and up-and-comer Niklas Sundstrom. What New York needs is depth, a hint of preparing for the future, and youth that will last into a deep playoff run. I'm thinking, send Messier to Ottawa for a package of young talent, and satisfy both teams' most pressing needs. And doesn't a jersey that's special-made to accommodate Number 99's tucking in the normal corporate logo corner need to have a "C" to be complete?
* Speaking of Gretzky, while he hardly compares to his old self, his move to New York may in fact tarnish history's view of him. He always claimed that Gordie Howe could never be eclipsed because Mr. Hockey played in "a different era." Actually, Wayne, that tough, hard-hitting, tight-checking brand of "Old-time Hockey" never went away, and you'll see it every night now that you're in the Eastern Conference. Let's see how great a defensive-minded batch of teams makes you feel! And please, Wayne, prove me wrong, because you are still the best thing that ever happened to this game.
* This may come as a shock coming from me, an outspoken opponent to the very notion of "offensive defenseman," but Detroit is going to regret trading Paul Coffey to Hartford (or wherever he ends up) because his defense will be sadly missed. With Mike Ramsey retiring, Slava Fetisov in his last season and Bob Rousse not getting any younger, the Red Wings are quite shaky on the blue line, and Brian Glynn is hardly the answer to Scott Bowman's prayers. Coffey may not have been Larry Robinson, but he also wasn't Phil Housley.
* The Devils will make a strong comeback. With power forwards Bill Guerin and Dave Andreychuk in the lineup, not to mention the "Crash Line" still together, the new rule about kick-in goals will benefit them greatly. On top of that, the new rule about not dumping the puck back into the zone for a delayed offside benefits teams with strong, mobile defenses, which Jersey, Chicago, the Rangers, and Washington should be able to use to their advantage.
* Barry Melrose will get a haircut. Just one.
* The range of records for each team in terms of win percentage is becoming much narrower, i.e. closer to .500. This kind of parity means every NHL city has a good chance of at least showing up. Count on this stopping as soon as the NHL gets stupid and expands again.
* Going back to the "it's time to trade him" philosophy, Boston should let go of Ray Bourque since they're going to be letting go of their playoff streak, anyway. This team has no future as a contender. They have lost too much talent to trades, free agency, age, and injury to compete. Bourque is still a premiere defender, if not the best, and should at least have earned a mercy trading to a team with a real chance in exchange for a rebuilding package. It's a crime he doesn't have a Stanley Cup. Come to think of it, maybe the mystery team can rescue Steve Yzerman, too.
* This is the year Alexandre Daigle and Chris Pronger show us why they were the top two draft picks a few years back. Too bad Chris Gratton and Jason Arnott are slipping off a bit, or else that may turn out to have been a real solid draft, instead of the dud it has become in retrospect.
* Now that the Flyers have gotten to be monstrously huge, Eric Lindros should start playing more of a finesse game. Plowing through other players tends to get costly in the "veteran" stages of a guy's career.
* Stop counting the minutes. Rod Brind'Amour is going nowhere. Depth is something to value, not mess around with, and that's what the Flyers have as soon as Mikael Renberg and Eric Lindros decide to be healthy at around the same time. Oh, and they will win the Cup this year.
* Al Iafrate's health is the only variable in this being either a terrific or horrendous season for the Sharks.
* Al Morganti will continue to predict things that look good on paper, but never come true in real life.
Now, these ideas may shock and really upset quite a few of you. But just remember, the Great One has played for three teams in the past two years, and you hardly even care when he moves now. You'll get used to it. I promise.
I may be a blasphemer, but I'm no liar!