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Kevin Constantine


C - Martin Straka, Robert Lang, Jan Hrdina, Tyler Wright. LW - German Titov, Stu Barnes, Kip Miller, Ian Moran, Dan Kesa. RW - Jaromir Jagr, Alexei Kovalev, Aleksey Morozov, Robby Brown, Martin Sonnenberg. D - Darius Kasparaitis, Kevin Hatcher, Brad Werenka, Jiri Slegr, Bobby Dollas, Neil Wilkinson, Jeff Serowik, Victor Ignatjev, Maxim Galanov. G - Tom Barrasso, Peter Skudra, Jean-Sebastien Aubin.


Darius Kasparaitis, d (knee, indefinite); Kevin Hatcher, d (broken foot, 3-4 weeks); Tom Barrasso, g (broken right hand, 4-6 weeks); Jeff Serowik, d (concusison, day-to-day); Victor Ignatjev, d (shoulder, indefinite).




2/28 at Washington  L 4-3
3/03 Montreal       T 4-4
3/05 Edmonton       T 2-2
3/07 Colorado       L 3-1


Atlantic Division   GP   W   L   T   PTS   GF   GA  
  New Jersey        64  35  21   8    78  191  161  
  Philadelphia      64  30  19  15    75  192  150  
  Pittsburgh        62  32  21   9    73  194  172  
  NY Rangers        64  28  28   8    64  181  177  
  NY Islanders      65  19  38   8    46  152  197


by Jerry Fairish, Pittsburgh Correspondent

This article is going to be a little short this issue. The reason for this is that I have been quite busy over the last couple of weeks and have not had a lot of time to write. I can mention that I did see the Pens play the Colorado Avalanche on Sunday afternoon at the Igloo. Unfortunately, the Arctic Birds came up a little bit short and the Lanche managed a 3-1 win.

Goaltender Peter Skudra had the opportunity to become a hero Sunday, but instead he let up a weak goal to Milan Hejduk that really turned the tide of the game and took any momentum the Penguins may have had. The Pens had a 1-0 lead going into the third period thanks to a goal by Martin Straka in the first. However, early in the first period, Joe Sakic, Michael Dell's all-time hero, successfully tipped a shot under Skudra to tie the game 1-1. Later on in the third, Milan Hejduk skated over the blue line to the top of the right circle and threw a really weak wrist shot on goal that miraculously found its way to the back of the net and the Avalanche took the lead and never looked back. Claude Lemieux finished Colorado's scoring with an empty-netter.

The Pens are still in the boat they have been in all season long; they do not have any depth at the goaltending position. Tom Barrasso is hurt every other game giving Skudra the opportunity to prove he's a winner. However, Skudra doesn't possess the skills it takes to be a quality starter in the NHL. Like I mentioned in the previous issue, he's just too small and frankly he's uh, well...too small. Now while I was at the game Sunday, I got a hold of one of the programs with the players' heights and weights. Peter Skudra was listed in at 6' 1", 185 pounds. If Peter Skudra is 6' 1", then I'm 6' 5", oh wait I am 6' 5". Well if Peter Skudra is 6' 1", then I'm at least 6' 6". There!

Friday, February 26, 1999: The Challenge Heard 'Round the World!
As the entire staff (all five or six of us) sat at Buffalo Wild Wings in Greensburg, PA this Friday night, we were involved with our normal game of bar trivia. This game in particular featured Candy Ass, a team captained by one Michael Dell, that also featured Matt Secosky, Lance Miller, and Bernie Dominiak. They were challenged by the Great Team, the Team of Winners, The Team to End All Teams...Rudypoo. Rudypoo was of course led by yours truly. I had "help" from the likes of Zippy the Wonder Chimp, Ace Reporter Jim Iovino, and Chris Geffel.

Now somehow Candy Ass managed to squeak out a victory over Rudypoo in the first game of the evening. Their celebration wouldn't last long. Rudypoo came storming back and took the next three games. That's right, three games in a row. No doubt we dominated that bunch of slackers. Did I mention we won three games in a row? I thought I did, but I was just making sure.

Losing three games in a row will drive anyone crazy, well not anyone, just the likes of your Editor-in-Chief, Michael P. Dell. It seems Mike Dell can't take somebody making him look like the buffoon that he is. Did I say that out loud? Anyway...

Mike Dell issued to me the Challenge Heard 'Round the World, "I will beat your a** at Trivial Pursuit!" Now obviously I laughed hysterically at such a silly challenge, considering the fact that I had just about single-handedly beat Delly three games in a row. three games in a row. Dell then says, "Next Friday you against me." I decided to humor him and accept the challenge.

Friday March 5, 1999: The Bell Was Answered!
Mike Dell decided to talk trash all week about how he was going to kick my tail and so on and so-forth. Blah, blah, blah! Anyway, we started of the first game with Mike Dell, myself, and my girlfriend Kris playing. Now Mike Dell, I will admit, won the first game. BUT...I must put this on record...I was cheated out of a pie piece on the Entertainment question, thus losing to Mike Dell 6 pieces to 5. I want to make it known that I should have won the game, but was ripped-off due to a technicality in my answer.

Game Two: Mike Dell VS. Jerry Fairish: One on One, The Showdown, Armageddon. I started off by answering 162 question in a row. That number may be slightly exaggerated but I'm just trying to get my point across. Dell came back with two straight answers. Two in a row for Dell is pretty good. Anyway, the game continued and I easily won 6 pieces to 4. 6 TO 4!!!! It wasn't even close. So no matter what your genius editor may say, I won straight up! He wanted to go one on one with the Great One. HE LOST! I'm the most electrifying man in trivial entertainment today.

We played a third game with everyone participating, and once again Mike Dell proved victorious. When it came down to it, Mike Dell could not handle the pressure, he couldn't handle the man, he's yella, he folded, he was beat by the!

(EDITOR'S NOTE: True, Jerry did win one of the three games. But I was just trying to make it fun. And the version of Trivial Pursuit he has is all gay. I actually think five out of every six questions wears leather chaps. Every time there was a legitimate, intelligent question that truly tested the extent of a man's knowledge, I was all over it. Meanwhile, Jerry answered every gay question this side of "Come here often?" I mean, is it my fault I don't own John Tesh's Christmas album?

And I still took two out of three with ease. In fact, I don't even think I used the right side of my brain all night. There is not a person alive that knows more about nothing than I do. Believe it.)

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