This article is going to be a little short this issue. The
reason for this is that I have been quite busy over the last
couple of weeks and have not had a lot of time to write. I can
mention that I did see the Pens play the Colorado Avalanche on
Sunday afternoon at the Igloo. Unfortunately, the Arctic Birds
came up a little bit short and the Lanche managed a 3-1 win.
Goaltender Peter Skudra had the opportunity to become a hero
Sunday, but instead he let up a weak goal to Milan Hejduk that
really turned the tide of the game and took any momentum the
Penguins may have had. The Pens had a 1-0 lead going into the
third period thanks to a goal by Martin Straka in the first.
However, early in the first period, Joe Sakic, Michael Dell's
all-time hero, successfully tipped a shot under Skudra to tie the
game 1-1. Later on in the third, Milan Hejduk skated over the
blue line to the top of the right circle and threw a really weak
wrist shot on goal that miraculously found its way to the back of
the net and the Avalanche took the lead and never looked back.
Claude Lemieux finished Colorado's scoring with an empty-netter.
The Pens are still in the boat they have been in all season long;
they do not have any depth at the goaltending position. Tom
Barrasso is hurt every other game giving Skudra the opportunity
to prove he's a winner. However, Skudra doesn't possess the
skills it takes to be a quality starter in the NHL. Like I
mentioned in the previous issue, he's just too small and frankly
he's uh, well...too small. Now while I was at the game Sunday, I
got a hold of one of the programs with the players' heights and
weights. Peter Skudra was listed in at 6' 1", 185 pounds. If
Peter Skudra is 6' 1", then I'm 6' 5", oh wait I am 6' 5". Well
if Peter Skudra is 6' 1", then I'm at least 6' 6". There!
Friday, February 26, 1999: The Challenge Heard 'Round the
As the entire staff (all five or six of us) sat at Buffalo Wild
Wings in Greensburg, PA this Friday night, we were involved with
our normal game of bar trivia. This game in particular featured
Candy Ass, a team captained by one Michael Dell, that also
featured Matt Secosky, Lance Miller, and Bernie Dominiak. They
were challenged by the Great Team, the Team of Winners, The Team
to End All Teams...Rudypoo. Rudypoo was of course led by yours
truly. I had "help" from the likes of Zippy the Wonder Chimp,
Ace Reporter Jim Iovino, and Chris Geffel.
Now somehow Candy Ass managed to squeak out a victory over
Rudypoo in the first game of the evening. Their celebration
wouldn't last long. Rudypoo came storming back and took the next
three games. That's right, three games in a row. No doubt we
dominated that bunch of slackers. Did I mention we won three
games in a row? I thought I did, but I was just making sure.
Losing three games in a row will drive anyone crazy, well not
anyone, just the likes of your Editor-in-Chief, Michael P. Dell.
It seems Mike Dell can't take somebody making him look like the
buffoon that he is. Did I say that out loud? Anyway...
Mike Dell issued to me the Challenge Heard 'Round the World, "I
will beat your a** at Trivial Pursuit!" Now obviously I laughed
hysterically at such a silly challenge, considering the fact that
I had just about single-handedly beat Delly three games in a row.
three games in a row. Dell then says, "Next Friday you against
me." I decided to humor him and accept the challenge.
Friday March 5, 1999: The Bell Was Answered!
Mike Dell decided to talk trash all week about how he was going
to kick my tail and so on and so-forth. Blah, blah, blah!
Anyway, we started of the first game with Mike Dell, myself, and
my girlfriend Kris playing. Now Mike Dell, I will admit, won the
first game. BUT...I must put this on record...I was cheated out
of a pie piece on the Entertainment question, thus losing to Mike
Dell 6 pieces to 5. I want to make it known that I should have
won the game, but was ripped-off due to a technicality in my
Game Two: Mike Dell VS. Jerry Fairish: One on One, The Showdown,
Armageddon. I started off by answering 162 question in a row.
That number may be slightly exaggerated but I'm just trying to
get my point across. Dell came back with two straight answers.
Two in a row for Dell is pretty good. Anyway, the game continued
and I easily won 6 pieces to 4. 6 TO 4!!!! It wasn't even
close. So no matter what your genius editor may say, I won
straight up! He wanted to go one on one with the Great One. HE
LOST! I'm the most electrifying man in trivial entertainment
We played a third game with everyone participating, and once
again Mike Dell proved victorious. When it came down to it, Mike
Dell could not handle the pressure, he couldn't handle the man,
he's yella, he folded, he was beat by the best...me!
(EDITOR'S NOTE: True, Jerry did win one of the three games.
But I was just trying to make it fun. And the version of Trivial
Pursuit he has is all gay. I actually think five out of every
six questions wears leather chaps. Every time there was a
legitimate, intelligent question that truly tested the extent of
a man's knowledge, I was all over it. Meanwhile, Jerry answered
every gay question this side of "Come here often?" I mean, is it
my fault I don't own John Tesh's Christmas album?
And I still took two out of three with ease. In fact, I don't
even think I used the right side of my brain all night. There is
not a person alive that knows more about nothing than I do.