BACK TO REALITY
Got that old sinking feeling again?
After watching the Flyers unleash seemingly endless amounts of
whoop ass on the NHL over the past two months, even I was
starting to think they were legitimate contenders for the Stanley
Cup. Maybe it was all the cough syrup I was drinking at the time
because it sure seems crazy now.
Sunday night's win over Pittsburgh helped the boys in orange and
black regain first place in the Eastern Conference, but it didn't
help to erase the memories of a gruesome western swing that saw
pucks entering the Flyers net faster than cheeseburgers used to
fly down Chris Farley's throat.
What the hell happened? How did a team that played flawless
defense for weeks suddenly turn into a bunch of Paul Coffey
clones? Was it jet lag? Lack of focus? Sure, the fact that John
Vanbiesbrouck and Ron Hextall spread their legs with Madonna-like
frequency didn't help much, but goaltending alone doesn't account
for the alarming number of goals the team allowed in the last two
weeks. Something more must be wrong.
I think I know what it is.
"We've got a good bunch of guys. We just want to make sure things
don't start slipping," said Chris Therien after a team meeting
last weekend.
Anyone out there comforted by words like that? Anyone other than
Buffalo Sabres fans, that is?
Sometimes, you can't help but get the feeling that Terry Murray
was right.
THE CHELIOS WATCH
Watching the Flyers play out west must have made Bob Clarke's
sphincter do some serious puckering. Look for Trader Bob to do
something to stop the bleeding, but don't expect to see longtime
Flyers nemesis Chris Chelios in orange and black anytime soon.
Apparently, Chelios has responded to persistent rumors that he's
headed to the Flyers by doing what he does best--opening his big
mouth and spewing out crap. Reportedly, Chelios said that Clarke
should "shut up" when he was recently asked about a possible
trade to Philly. I'm sure Dainius Zubrus can understand that
sentiment, but I doubt the outburst will increase the odds that
Chelios will become a Flyer.
I also doubt that there's any truth to the rumors that another of
the Flyers least favorite men, Ulf Samuelsson, might be bringing
his act to Broad Street. If there's anyone in the league who
hates Clarke more than Rangers GM Neil Smith, I'd like to know
who it is. I doubt Smith would help Clarke if he was falling into
a giant meat grinder, let alone trade him a player who could
become a key playoff cog. If logic plays any part here, Arnold
Schwarzenegger will anchor "Nightline" before Samuelsson becomes
a Flyer.
A more likely scenario would be the return of former Flyer Mark
Recchi, who can apparently be had for a used puck bag at the
moment. Recchi wouldn't address the Flyers biggest need, another
reliable defensive defenseman, but he would give the team another
scoring threat on the right wing.
A TWIN BRIND'AMOUR?
There are some things that you can only learn from reading LCS
Hockey.
Has anyone else noticed that Mr. Consistency, Rod Brind'Amour,
has been stinking up the ice worse than a hippo with diarrhea
lately? Not only has Brind'Amour failed to score in his last 10
games, he's made some uncharacteristically horrific defensive
plays, too.
Conventional minds would probably blame Brind'Amour's poor play
on a rib injury he suffered just before the start of his goal
drought. That's probably what the Flyers would have us believe,
too. But I believe the truth may be more sinister.
Is it possible that Brind'Amour has an uncoordinated twin brother
who takes his place at times--unbeknownst to all but a few in the
Flyers hierarchy?
Not only would that theory shed light upon how Brind'Amour has
been able to amass the longest current iron man streak in the
NHL, it would also explain the horrific slumps that have plagued
his career at times and his occasional propensity for missing
wide-open nets.
Perhaps the most frightening aspect of this potential conspiracy
is the possibility, however slight it may be, that another man as
ugly as Brind'Amour might be roaming the streets of my hometown
at this moment.
Sounds like a potential X-Files episode to me.
