'Twas the night before Christmas and oh, what a bore,
The 'Nucks trailed five hundred by one game times four.
The stockings were hung by the locker stalls grey
In hopes of a cure for their lackluster play.
The team now in bed after teeth were done brushin'
Dreamt hopeful for a Slovak or Finn for their Russian,
And Mess in his flannel, Coach Mike in his cap
Had settled to ponder the neutral zone trap.
When all of a sudden there appeared such a Klatt...er
But he couldn't solve all things that were the matter.
Away to the minors flew summons obtuse
But could the help needed come from Syracuse?
The number of pucks being shot at poor Snow
Meant little chance to the All-Star game he'd go.
Solutions to stop the poor D would be nice -
A miniature net? Eight men on the ice?
When my eyes caught a glimpse of the GM named Burke
Who'd surely make everyone put in hard work.
More rapid than Red Wings his orders they came
He shouted that no one would cruise for a game.
"Now, Pavel, now, Bryan, come play for our team
For without you the cup is no more than a dream!"
But Bryan wanted dough to buy more than a blender,
and Pav wanted only an East Coast contender.
Burke's task it was known was most certainly tough:
Get rid of the rocket in a deal up to snuff.
With trade bait he left for the Atlantic Ocean
Where five teams he said had pledged their devotion.
And then us Vancouverites read in the sports
That he'd received offers for deals of all sorts -
Both the Rangers and Isles Bure did seek;
Burke shrugged it off. Said it would take him a week.
From media critics a dressing down he received
His delay in this deal just could not be believed!
"The bundle of points now lost is quite shockin'",
Says LCS Hockey psychic friend, Christopher Walken.
"The team's goin' nowhere, it's really quite scary -
A couple more forwards and we could be merry.
If only the Rangers would trade us for Bure
and forget about grabbing that whiny girl Fleury,"
Christopher stated, and he knows of such things
For he's been in movies like "Suicide Kings".
If Burke can't pull this off like a good trading pimp
We'll have to replace him with Zippy the Chimp.
So please, Mr. Burke, put your nose to grindstone
And give us fans reason to cheer rather than groan.
Naslund and York are doing well, it is true
But along with ol' Mess they're but a select few.
So proclaim as we sit down to our Christmas feast,
"Merry Christmas, Pavel. I've traded your ass back East!"