March Madness: And the Winner Is...

SEMI-FINALS

Cam Neely (4) vs Pat LaFontaine (5): Things get chippy right away when Ulf Samuelsson sprints on the ice and drops Neely with a horrific "hip" check. Neely, hobbled but not heartbroken, regains his skates just in time to see Francois Leroux smoke LaFontaine with an elbow upside the head. Laffy is out for the duration, moving Neely into the finals. It also marks the first time in over 12 years that Pittsburgh Penguins defensemen decided the outcome of anything.

Pavel Bure (5) vs Theo Fleury (9): Bure, suddenly realizing that his little brother married one of the chicks from "Full House," collapses in a fit of terror. Fleury takes advantage, swiping Bure's wallet and buying a round of shots for everyone in attendance. That's a true champion.

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

Cam Neely (4) vs Theo Fleury (9): The tournament has taken its toll on both competitors. Neely is limping on one leg and favoring the other, his right thigh beginning to calcify. Fleury is staggering about in a daze, his liver beginning to calcify. Undaunted, the liquored up Liliputian grabs the nearest stepladder and goes eye-to-eye with the Bruin behemoth. Neely pats Theo on the head, rolls him up into a little ball, and stuffs him in his pocket. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2006 LCS Hockey March Madness Champion... CAM NEELY!

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