NHL A-Team

Our pal Earl Sleek came on our big fake radio show a couple weeks back and proudly professed his love for “The A-Team.” So that got me thinking, which NHL players would make the best A-Team?

After contemplating a number of potential combinations, here’s what I came up with…

FACE
Lieutenant Templeton “Faceman” Peck was the silver-tongued con man capable of acquiring anything the A-Team needed, and he was also real smooth with the ladies. The first guy who came to mind was Vincent Lecavalier.

Vinny’s a handsome bastard. Between the French name and the lightning bolts on his pants, you know he gets more tail than Sinatra.

MURDOCK
Captain H. M. “Howling Mad” Murdock was all oatmeal north of the eyebrows. There’s no shortage of viable candidates, and I think our buddy Matthew Barnaby would have made the perfect Murdock, but when it comes to current NHLers, I’m gonna give the nod to Alex Burrows.

Yeah, Sean Avery certainly deserves consideration, and I guess B.A. used to want to pummel Murdock, so that fits nicely with Avery’s past relationships with teammates. But women’s fashion? Murdock was crazy, but not that crazy.

Burrows is the boy. He runs his yap, flies around like a madman, and will gladly drop the gloves. No word yet if he has an imaginary dog named Billy.

B.A. BARACUS
Master Sergeant Bosco Albert “B.A.” Baracus was the A-Team’s muscle and chief mechanic. The obvious choice would be Georges Laraque. One problem. The B. A. in his nickname stood for Bad Attitude. Big Georges is way too nice a guy.

Donald Brashear? Not so much. I mean, I don’t remember B.A. beating up too many high school kids.

I’m going with Derek Boogaard. Pigmentally challenged or not, he’s the baddest man on skates and would look swell in a Mohawk. I bet he even drives a van.

HANNIBAL
The brains behind the A-Team, Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith was a master strategist and tactician. He was also wicked old. So that means we need a veteran.

Chris Chelios is the oldest of the old. But I don’t recall Hannibal having a vagina.

Joe Sakic is too squeaky clean to get involved in any military operations. Peter Forsberg could make a nice Hannibal, but he’d probably injure himself lighting the cigar.

I think only one man has the experience, grit, and toughness to lead a squad of mercenaries like the A-Team. And that man is Gary Roberts. Hell, Roberts is a one man A-Team.

So if you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them -- maybe you can hire: Lecavalier, Burrows, Boogaard, and Roberts.

Feel free to play along at home. Come up with your own A-Teams and email them to someone who cares. And don’t miss next week when we ask the question: Which NHL players would make the best Golden Girls?

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