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January 17, 2019
I Hate Fabian
by Michael Menser Dell, Editor-in-Chief
After sitting as a healthy scratch the first two games, the 23-year-old Swedish rookie winger finally got into the Dallas lineup last night and scored three goals. Wow. Whoopee. Good for you, Jack.
Of course, I would have enjoyed the hat trick a lot more if I hadnít just cut him in my fantasy hockey league. And hereís the rub: itís a dynasty league, where you keep everybody. Yet I still cut him. Hard to get happy after that one.
And olí Puck Daddy himself Sean Leahy was quick to twist the knife, mocking me for my ridiculous roster maneuver. Because Leahy is sooooo cool. Ooh, he won the league last year. Whatever. Creep.
Listen, I had a glut of left wings! My top four are Frolov, Smyth, Parise, and Rolston. Plus Iíve got Jordan Staal, whoís eligible at center or left wing. On the bench, I had Brunnstrom, Perron, and Burrows.
I was trying to move Smyth, but no one was biting. I need Burrows for the PIMs. So it came down to Brunnstrom or Perron. In order to maximize roster efficiency, somebody had to go. There isnít enough room for three subs at the same position.
Plus, I like to make it fun. Iím not scared to drop somebody if they tie their skates wrong. And I wasnít really sure I wanted a guy named Fabian on my team. It kept making me think of ďLaverne and Shirley.Ē No good.
Now do you understand?
Anyway, screw Brunnstrom. Screw Leahy. And screw ďLaverne and Shirley.Ē
But in case you missed it, here are Brunnstromís goals. Jerk.