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July 1, 2016
Sens Show Gay Pride
by Michael Menser Dell, Editor-in-Chief
The Ottawa Senators unveiled their new sweaters on Thursday, giving hope to millions of gay cartoon characters everywhere.
Ottawa's new logo, which features a homosexual Roman soldier gazing seductively from beneath a massive helmet, has already won rave reviews from such fashion luminaries as Elton John and Richard Simmons. It's even caught the eye of at least one current NHLer, as Mike Ribeiro has already requested a trade to the Senators.
The openly gay Centurion continues a proud tradition of homosexual team logos in professional sports, following in the footsteps of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' swishy swashbuckler, the New England Patriots' 60-minute minuteman, and of course the Detroit Red Wings.
Ottawa will also be sporting shoulder patches to commemorate gay pride. The patches will feature the flag of Angola, known for its inclusive policies towards alternative lifestyles, and a giant letter "O," which could stand for so many things, the least of which is Ottawa.
Fans purchasing the new jerseys will also receive season one of "Will and Grace" on DVD.