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April 22, 2018
World Domination Update
by Michael Menser Dell, Editor-in-Chief
Back in the day, our goal at LCS Hockey was world domination. Well, now that the site's been up and running again for a good year and a half or so, we're once again plotting to overthrow the world. Join us now, and we'll make you president of your own country once we seize power. Of course, if you choose to oppose us, once we dominate the world, we'll forcibly relocate you to Detroit. You've been warned.
Anyway, here's an update so you, our valued readers, can keep up with what's shakin' at LCS. Tell your friends.
You'll now be able to search the vast LCS Hockey archives for a particular joke or obscure reference. We'd also appreciate it if you'd use our page to search the web. I think Google promised us a bottle of Night Train for every 50 people who use the search. So get crackin'. We'll share.
Thanks to the new Search option, I now know that Don Knotts has been mentioned 26 times in LCS history. That seems a bit light. ALF has only been mentioned 27 times. But the words "Chelios" and "old" rung up 85,000 hits. We do good work.
See, the thing is I hate talking. I'm a writer for a reason. It's going to take me a while to get used to being an on-air talker person. But we're gettin' there.
We're going to attempt our first weeknight radio show this Wednesday at 10PM EST. Of course, to commemorate our first prime time broadcast, we'll ignore hockey entirely and discuss Fantasy Football. It's the least we could do. Our roundtable discussion will also include LCS Hockey icons Jerry Fairish, Jim Iovino, and Zippy the Wonder Chimp.
If you'd like to get in on the fun, you can send your Fantasy Football questions to us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous and get free cell phone minutes after nine o'clock, feel free to call the show at (646) 716-7522.
In the coming months, the LCS Hockey Radio Show will be your source for Fantasy Hockey news and advice. It'll be a huge component of the show. But it's straight dullsville right now in the hockey world, so we're gonna get warmed up with some Fantasy Football. Here's my tip. Draft a punter in the first round. It sets a tone.
I'll be writing the goaltender rankings all this week. So if updates are few and far between, rest assured I'm working diligently on the goaltender ratings. Or, you know, I'm sleeping one off. It could go either way, really. But they'll get posted at some point this week.
NHL '94 TOURNAMENT
We learned a couple important things. First, playing between North America and Europe really doesn't work. The lag times can be brutal. Even when two North American squads are playing, you're still completely at the mercy of your internet connection. Games will be perfect, playing just like a console, and then suddenly you won't be able to do anything at all for a couple periods; your guys will be sluggish, passes won't go where they're supposed to, and overall game play just kind of sucks.
That said, I still found the experience wildly entertaining. Which gives you some insight into my personal life. But it brought back a lot of good memories, particularly when the Brass Bonanza got rolling.
We're still probably going to try and have more tournaments in the future. But we'll have two distinct brackets, one for North America and one for Europe. We'll offer prizes like little hockey guys with big heads and the aforementioned LCS T-shirts. Stay tuned.
And if you'd like to go one-on-one with yours truly and take on the Mighty Whale, just send me an email at email@example.com. The Whale aren't scared to layeth the smacketh down. Th'ar she blows!
The Enforcers' training camp will open at the Iceoplex on August 20 at 10AM. I believe they're still having tryouts, so if you're interested, you can email the team at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 724-745-6666 ext 138.
Dave Stanton, the team's goaltending coach, was kind enough to email us and let us know about the squad, so please do what you can to support Dave and the Enforcers. We'll hopefully be checking in with him throughout the season to get updates and whatnot.
In fact, let's just go ahead and say the Pittsburgh Enforcers are the Official Junior A Tier III team of LCS Hockey. Go, Enforcers! Yeehaw!
Willie will be filming his part on August 10. There's no word yet on when the show will air. We'll keep you posted.
But we're big fans of Willie. We even named the trophy in our fantasy hockey league after him. Years ago, Willie somehow heard about how much we like him, and he actually sent us an autographed picture. It remains perhaps the best honor LCS ever received. So please set your TiVos accordingly.