World Domination Update

Back in the day, our goal at LCS Hockey was world domination. Well, now that the site's been up and running again for a good year and a half or so, we're once again plotting to overthrow the world. Join us now, and we'll make you president of your own country once we seize power. Of course, if you choose to oppose us, once we dominate the world, we'll forcibly relocate you to Detroit. You've been warned.

Anyway, here's an update so you, our valued readers, can keep up with what's shakin' at LCS. Tell your friends.

NEW SEARCH OPTION
Thanks to the great Matthew Secosky, LCS now has a nifty new Search option. You can find a link to it over there on the ol' left side of the page.

You'll now be able to search the vast LCS Hockey archives for a particular joke or obscure reference. We'd also appreciate it if you'd use our page to search the web. I think Google promised us a bottle of Night Train for every 50 people who use the search. So get crackin'. We'll share.

Thanks to the new Search option, I now know that Don Knotts has been mentioned 26 times in LCS history. That seems a bit light. ALF has only been mentioned 27 times. But the words "Chelios" and "old" rung up 85,000 hits. We do good work.

RADIO SHOW
The LCS Hockey Radio Show continues to roll. It's like preseason for us. We're still just trying stuff out and monkeying around with the format and whatnot, but we'll actually have guests and interviews and stuff once the season starts.

See, the thing is I hate talking. I'm a writer for a reason. It's going to take me a while to get used to being an on-air talker person. But we're gettin' there.

We're going to attempt our first weeknight radio show this Wednesday at 10PM EST. Of course, to commemorate our first prime time broadcast, we'll ignore hockey entirely and discuss Fantasy Football. It's the least we could do. Our roundtable discussion will also include LCS Hockey icons Jerry Fairish, Jim Iovino, and Zippy the Wonder Chimp.

If you'd like to get in on the fun, you can send your Fantasy Football questions to us at radioshow@lcshockey.com. Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous and get free cell phone minutes after nine o'clock, feel free to call the show at (646) 716-7522.

In the coming months, the LCS Hockey Radio Show will be your source for Fantasy Hockey news and advice. It'll be a huge component of the show. But it's straight dullsville right now in the hockey world, so we're gonna get warmed up with some Fantasy Football. Here's my tip. Draft a punter in the first round. It sets a tone.

PLAYER RATINGS EXTRAVAGANZA
August always means it's time for LCS Hockey's annual Player Ratings Extravaganza. Basically, I rank the top 10 players at each position, making lots of cheap jokes and obscure references to classic TV along the way. Good times, good times.

I'll be writing the goaltender rankings all this week. So if updates are few and far between, rest assured I'm working diligently on the goaltender ratings. Or, you know, I'm sleeping one off. It could go either way, really. But they'll get posted at some point this week.

T-SHIRTS
Zippy was looking through the archives and found a stash of vintage LCS T-shirts. We used to give them to our correspondents back in the day. We'll probably be giving them away as prizes for upcoming contests and whatnot. So that'll be something.

Selanne!

NHL '94 TOURNAMENT
A couple weeks ago, we experimented with holding an NHL '94 online tournament. I'd like to thank all the braves souls who took part, particularly Mone Peterson, Kevin Murphy, Shawn Mason, Andre‚ Soderholm, Juha-Matti Maatta, and Harri Naumanen.

We learned a couple important things. First, playing between North America and Europe really doesn't work. The lag times can be brutal. Even when two North American squads are playing, you're still completely at the mercy of your internet connection. Games will be perfect, playing just like a console, and then suddenly you won't be able to do anything at all for a couple periods; your guys will be sluggish, passes won't go where they're supposed to, and overall game play just kind of sucks.

That said, I still found the experience wildly entertaining. Which gives you some insight into my personal life. But it brought back a lot of good memories, particularly when the Brass Bonanza got rolling.

We're still probably going to try and have more tournaments in the future. But we'll have two distinct brackets, one for North America and one for Europe. We'll offer prizes like little hockey guys with big heads and the aforementioned LCS T-shirts. Stay tuned.

And if you'd like to go one-on-one with yours truly and take on the Mighty Whale, just send me an email at dell@lcshockey.com. The Whale aren't scared to layeth the smacketh down. Th'ar she blows!

PITTSBURGH ENFORCERS
Pittsburgh is getting a new junior team. The Pittsburgh Enforcers will be competing this season in the American East Hockey League, which is Junior A Tier III. The Enforcers will be playing their home games at Southpointe's Iceoplex in Canonsburg, PA.

The Enforcers' training camp will open at the Iceoplex on August 20 at 10AM. I believe they're still having tryouts, so if you're interested, you can email the team at jrpuckman@aol.com or call 724-745-6666 ext 138.

Dave Stanton, the team's goaltending coach, was kind enough to email us and let us know about the squad, so please do what you can to support Dave and the Enforcers. We'll hopefully be checking in with him throughout the season to get updates and whatnot.

In fact, let's just go ahead and say the Pittsburgh Enforcers are the Official Junior A Tier III team of LCS Hockey. Go, Enforcers! Yeehaw!

WILLIE O'REE

Willie O'Ree

Our buddy Willie O'Ree will be making an appearance this season on Chris Rock's "Everybody Hates Chris." In the show, li'l Chris Rock, played by Tyler Williams, will be ditching school with one of his pals so they can meet his hockey hero, Wayne Gretzky, who's visiting Long Island with the Edmonton Oilers. But on the way to the arena, Chris and his pal get lost and have to ask an older gentleman for directions. Willie plays the guy giving them the directions. He also gives the kids a lesson in hockey history.

Willie will be filming his part on August 10. There's no word yet on when the show will air. We'll keep you posted.

But we're big fans of Willie. We even named the trophy in our fantasy hockey league after him. Years ago, Willie somehow heard about how much we like him, and he actually sent us an autographed picture. It remains perhaps the best honor LCS ever received. So please set your TiVos accordingly.

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