NHL News and Notes

Chris Chelios

NOW ACCEPTING OLD JOKES
Chris Chelios, LCS Hockey whipping boy and the idol of no one from eight to eighty, re-signed with the Red Wings yesterday, inking a one-year, $850,000 contract. The deal also includes several incentives, all of which will be paid in hard candy, Metamucil, and PoliGrip.

When reached for comment, Chelios began regaling us with stories of what it was like in his day before digressing into such bizarre tangents as the condition of his neighbor's lawn and "that loud rock music."

In other octogenarian news, Dominik Hasek will decide in the coming week whether or not he'll return to Detroit. The overriding factor in the decision will be if Hasek can even remember he played for the Red Wings.

BLOG IT UP
The New York Islanders will be catering to bloggers next season, establishing a "Blog Box," a press box at home games specifically for bloggers. Only a chosen few will be accepted, but if you'd like to be considered, swing by the official NY Islanders page and fill out an application.

LCS Hockey would like to formally nominate our boy Kevin Murphy and the Islanders Army for the gig. They're the tops. Seriously, would it kill Charles Wang to kick a little money their way? C'mon, Wang, dig deep!

And, once again, please don't confuse LCS Hockey with a blog. We're not a blog, we're a murnal, or "man journal." Thank you.

HIT THE BRICKS
Speaking of those nutty Islanders, they finally gave Alexei Yashin the boot, buying out the final four years of his ridiculous contract. Slated to make $26.45 million over the rest of the deal, Yashin will receive two-thirds of the amount, or a paltry $17.63 million, over the next eight years, with $2.2 million counting against New York's salary cap in each of those seasons.

So, basically, the Isles are giving Yashin $17 million to go away. Usually my ex-girlfriends just slap my face, knee me in the groin, and tell me to stay away from their sisters. All in all, it's a sweet deal for Alexei, who plans to spend the money on turtlenecks and visors.

This makes Yashin a free agent. I can't imagine a serious playoff contender signing him, even at what will surely be a cheap price, but you know somebody will be dumb enough to give it a whirl. I could see Columbus making a pitch. They need somebody to play with Rick Nash, and Yashin can still pass the puck. Plus, what better role model for young Nikolai Zherdev than... never mind.

Don't believe the Ottawa hype. That's not gonna happen. Other possible destinations could be Chicago, Phoenix, St. Louis, and Toronto, simply because it takes a special brand of suck to make Yashin feel at home. Listen, if your team signs Alexei Yashin this summer, they're telling you they have no intention of trying to win a championship.

As for the Islanders, this was a move they had to make. It's a classic case of addition by subtraction. Yashin and his unwieldy contract were an albatross for the entire franchise. Some people are seeing this as a sign the Isles will re-sign Ryan Smyth. But barring a 20-year, $200- million offer from that wacky Wang, I see no way Smyth returns to Long Island.

And really, it isn't that big a loss. Smyth is as solid as they come, but he's also wicked overrated thanks to spending his entire career in Canada. He's not a franchise player. He's not a difference-maker. He's a complimentary first-liner or a stud second-liner. He's not worth $6 million a year. The Isles never should have traded for him in the first place. They'd be wise to let him walk and spend the money elsewhere. Might I suggest a bottle of gin or maybe some Night Train?

SUNDIN RETURNS
The Toronto Maple Leafs re-signed Mats Sundin to a one-year, $5.5-million deal. Sundin, 36, recorded 27 goals and 76 points in 75 games for the Leafs, marking his second straight season averaging at least a point per game.

Unfortunately, Sundin had 31 more points than any other Toronto forward, giving him the worst supporting cast since "Bob Patterson." When Mike Zeisberger of the Toronto Sun asked Sundin if he'd like to see the Leafs bring in some more stars, here's what the Big Swede had to say...

"Bring in as many as possible. I want to have as good a team as we can to make a run at the Stanley Cup."

Really? Then how about taking less than $5.5 million, Mats? I don't know if you see a lot of Stanley Cup winners these days paying 36-year-old centers with hip injuries $5 million a year. I just hate when athletes say their priority is to win a championship, and then they either bolt for the biggest paycheck or demand a salary that cripples their team's chances.

The Leafs now have $20.5 million tied up between Sundin, Bryan McCabe ($5.75M), Pavel Kubina ($5M), and Tomas Kaberle ($4.25M). Yeah, that's right, the Leafs are paying Kubina $5 million, proving the exchange rate also effects IQ. There's some talk McCabe might get dealt to free up cash, but who's gonna want to take on that contract? Hey, do you think they have Charles Wang's phone number?

JORDAN'S BROTHER GETS THE COVER
Eric Staal will grace the cover of EA Sports' NHL '08. Staal seems like an odd choice, seeing how he scored only 70 points and Carolina missed the playoffs, but whatever. John Vanbiesbrouck was the first player featured on the cover back in 1997. Others receiving the honor were Peter Forsberg, Mario Lemieux, Jarome Iginla, Joe Sakic, Markus Naslund, Vincent Lecavalier, and Alexander Ovechkin.

Incredibly, this is the 16th edition in the series, although it clearly peaked with NHL '94. Ah, those were the days. And if LCS Hockey has anything to say about it, NHL '94 will rise again! Stay tuned for future announcements. Aw, you know you're excited...

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